Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Randomize
