All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
