My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
