Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Randomize
