brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
