I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Randomize
