My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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