At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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