bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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