HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
how do flat chested girls get laid?
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
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