Do you still have your period?
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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