who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
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