Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
