As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
