he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Panties = found
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
