he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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