Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
