Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
