He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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