and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
