Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
