You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Randomize