talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
