what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Why can't burritos get me drunk
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize