he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
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