How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
