Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
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In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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