Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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