You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I just gargled with NyQuil
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
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