So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
