Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
