we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
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