he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
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