I cockslap morals
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
