My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
where am i from again
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
you had me at cake vodka
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Randomize
