I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
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