Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
