She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
