i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
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