Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
