I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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