I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
