When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize