I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Randomize
