it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
