I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Randomize
