I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
It's rum buckets o'clock
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
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