She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Randomize
