duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
