By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
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