very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
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