areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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