Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I would fuck him just for his dog
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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