i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
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Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
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You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
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