the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
