It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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