The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I have aggressive nipples.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
