I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
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