I CAN MOONWALK!
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize