Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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