I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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