Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
