The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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