this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
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