I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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